Letter To My Son

Written by Jordan

Dear Son,

I wanted to write you this letter to share a few things with you. You see, there’s still a few months to go until I get to meet you, but I hope you will one day read this letter. If, for some awful reason, we never do get to meet, just know that I love you very much. One day you’re going to grow up and become a boy, then you will become a man. Before you grow up, though, I hope you read this letter and take heed the advice and wisdom I am about to impart on you.

I’m a grown woman who has both good and bad experiences with guys of all ages. You see, your dad is one of the good ones and has been nothing but good to me. Boys can be jerks, plain and simple. Especially high school boys. High school boys will say mean things to insecure girls because they believe they have power over them. That is not true, son. Men and women are equals and should be treated as such. Just because you’re a boy does not make you better than a girl. Being a boy actually gives you more responsibilities than girls. When you see another boy talking bad about another girl, then it is your responsibility to make him stop. When you see a girl walking down the hall carrying a heavy bag or has an arm load of books, offer to help carry the items. If you see a woman walking into a building the same time as you, then open the door for her and allow her to go first. It’s called being a gentleman, and no son of mine is going to put himself before a woman. Now, I know that women can take care of themselves and don’t need to be defended. When you stand up for a woman, don’t do it in a derogatory or accusatory tone. Women are not weak and do not want to be treated as such. It hurts when men see us that way. Just be kind and courteous and chivalrous and women will love you. Also, girls really don’t like it when you make fun of them. Actually, no one does, so don’t do it. Gossip is not good, either. Keep those things to yourself.

When it comes to violence, there is always another option. You know what the greatest weapon is in the world? Your mind. Use it. If someone starts a fight with you, hold back your anger and refrain from violence. Use common sense and words to resolve the situation. Yeah, I know boys get into scrapes and stuff, and I’m sure you will, but ask yourself if punching someone in the face is really the right way to solve something. You’ll both get hurt and the conflict will still be around, just waiting to be resolved.

Please, I beg you, please play video games, read comics, watch Star Wars and other “nerdy” sci-fi shows, and read Tolkien, George RR Martin, Rowling, Dickens, Twain, Lewis, Shakespeare, James, Byron, Wilde, Woolf, and countless other greats. That’s all your father and I did when we were younger (and still do to this day), and we came out perfectly fine. Learn how to use a sword to navigate your way through Hyrule, or a well-timed jump to defeat Bowser. Learn who Admiral Akbar is and what a Taun Taun is. If you hear us mention “Browncoats” or “The Doctor” you should be able to understand who and what we are talking about. I hate to tell you this, but time travel is still just a dream as of now. And finally, please read one Jane Austen novel before you marry.

Your father and I both believe in God. We have seen Him do miracles in both of our lives, but we have also seen the times where it seems like He abandons us. Our parents also believe in God and that’s where our faith began. But, my parents also allowed me the privilege to believe what I want to believe in. I am going to bestow that same opportunity to you. Yes, we will go to church, but there will be a point in your life where you will not be sure what you believe in. It is going to be up to you, and you alone, to find out exactly what you believe in. I will support you while you struggle with your faith. Your father and I are also political people, and while we don’t always agree politically, it’s important, just like religion, that you find out what is important to you and what you are passionate about. The most important thing, son, is to never allow others to sway what you believe in. You will a lot of people coming at you with all their differing viewpoints. Listen, learn, and engage. But, if you are swayed, make sure it is for the right reason and you truly believe it.

There will come a day when you will fall in love with someone. There will also be a day when that someone will break your heart. I will be there to pick you up. You will meet someone else and soon that person will be the love of your life. It may not be the last relationship you will be in, but you will learn things from that relationship. There will also, unfortunately, come a day where you will break someone else’s heart. It’s ok to do this. Trust me. The thing is, if it’s a woman, she might be angry with you and say things that will hurt you even more. She has no right to talk to you like that, but be a gentleman. Also, never break up with someone over the phone or through a text message. That’s weak, son, and the person you’re with deserves to be broken up with face-to-face. It’s probably going to be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. Finally, never cheat on anyone. Be a better man than that.

There will also come the day when you’re going to want to take the next step in your relationship. Sex is a wonderful thing, but just because you’re dating someone does not mean you must have sex with that person. Ideally I would like for you to be thirty and married when you take that step. If, though, you don’t, just remember to be safe. Finally, if you break up with that person, that doesn’t mean you have to sleep with the next person you date. Just because you have sex once does not mean you have to every time or with every person. It’s OK to say no, and most of the time is the right thing to say. Never take advantage of a woman who has had too much alcohol and cannot make decisions for herself. A real man does not need to prove himself.

If you fall in love with another man instead of a woman then I will still love you. Just know that. Not everyone will, but I will. If you’re short or bald or blind or fat or weak or anything else, I will love you and you will always be perfect to me.

You’re going to go through a rebellious phase sometime in your life. Just remember two things: your mother has feelings, and earrings and tattoos can be removed. If you want to go crazy and get an earring, be my guest. If you want to get a tattoo, then be my guest. I will, however, not be paying for any of it. Also, by the time you’re a father you’ll be taking those earrings out and having those tattoos removed. See, just a waste of money, so you might as well invest it.

If you don’t grow up to be a doctor, or a famous actor, and find yourself in the most boring job with boring people, just remember one thing: unimportant people are often the most important people in the universe. This is a true statement and they are most often the people who make the biggest impact on the world. Just make sure you do something that makes you happy, and not because of the paycheck. Money is not the most important thing, no matter what we’re taught.

I love movies and television and music and literature. I hope to be able to relate to you in these areas. Also, your father will want to teach you how to play golf. Whether you want to or not, let him. You might actually love it. Also, I expect you to be able to play at least three instruments and to be fluent in Spanish, French, and possibly Mandarin. You will play soccer and basketball and baseball, but we might draw the line at football — especially while you are young. I know your grandfather is a football coach, but let’s wait until your brain is developed and you’re a little older before you go around tackling others and/or the one being tackled. You will also know how to cook and how to properly clean a bathroom. You will know how to laundry and how to wash dishes. That is just a given.

You will know about your uncle Jacob who lost his life to cancer at far too young an age.

And finally, there will come a day where you will leave and start a family of your own. When this happens, do not forget to remember me. Remember all the things your father and I taught you and teach others what you believe. I have no doubt that you will one day grow up to become a wonderful Godly man, and that you will have a spouse who adores you and children who look up to you. Maybe you will write them a letter similar to this one and share it with them. Either way, I can’t wait until that day. Until then, you’re going to have to put up with me being overprotective and overbearing. Just deal with it. I’ll even allow you to roll your eyes, if you’re so inclined.

There are many other things that I can’t wait to teach you and share with you. Until now, I leave you with this letter. If I can guarantee you one thing it’s that we’re going to have good times and bad times. We’re going to have tragedies and beautiful moments together. We’re going to have fun. I promise. And I can’t wait until that happens.

I love you,
Your Mother